I Miss You

Carl P., where are you?!

Michael Jackson: HERetic!

So I read today that Michael Jackson is saying that God is on his side in his child-loving endeavors:

Michael Jackson believes he "won God's smile of approval" for bringing youngsters to his Neverland ranch, he said in his first television interview since being indicted on child molestation charges.

How dare such a man charge that God is guiding his actions! Who would dare make such a bold declaration? Haven't enough disastrous actions have been justified in the name of the Lord throughout the centuries?

Thank God (pun intended) that we finally have a man in the Oval Office who has proven what it really means to be a servant and messenger of God. That should prove once and for all that everyone else who claims to be a conduit for the divine is a heretic!

Question

Anyone hear from Carl P lately? I wonder if he got his 1,000+ hits-a-day blog up and running yet. It's been awhile.

When Do We Attack?

King Gyanendra dismissed Nepal's government and imposed a state of emergency on Tuesday, cutting off his Himalayan nation from the rest of the world as telephone and Internet lines were severed, flights diverted and civil liberties severely curtailed.

Gyanendra also suspended several provisions in the constitution including the freedoms of press, speech and expression; the freedom to assemble peacefully, the right to privacy, the constitutional protection against news censorship, and the right against preventive detention, according to a statement from the Narayanhiti Palace.

-- Associated Press, February 1, 2005

Now, as I understand it, we're a nation hell-bent on freeing the world from tyranny and terror. President Bush's inaugural speech was all about this infatuation with delivering the world from the clutches of evil men, no matter our own political, financial and mortal sacrifices.

So here's my question: When do we invade Nepal and save these people? Or, if we do not, why not?

Poetic justice, Gonzales style!

Ha ha ha ha! Looks like that pesky lefty propagandist Michael Moore didn't even make the cut for the Academy Awards this year! It's a good thing the Academy exercises good sense, and that such a great group as, uh, Hollywood liberals is looking out for us...um...er...ah...

Gee! Is that a terrorist over there? Run!!

Sites that ain't right

To all of our readers here at Strong and Right, we extend to you an invitation to troll...er, visit...two sites that we have deemed a major threat to the Strong and Right Way of Life:

Not Right About Anything: Southern-boy-gone-seriously-wrong Ian McGibboney offers his one-of-a-kind (thank God) commentary on current politics and religion. But I repeat myself. This guy actually has his picture on his blog! He's just asking for it, IMHO. If I wrote like him, I'd adopt a safer Internet handle, like stupid_commie2005 or dumblibithinkkerryreallywon. The way he exercises the First Amendment really makes us want to exercise the Second!!

Zac Attack: What kind of conceited bastard names his blog after himself? This guy does! A Pennsylvanian in good need of some Liberty Bell-ringing, Zac also spews his opinions on news events of the day. I think he's gay, too. Not that we've ever asked him (or ever talked to him), but it would make sense given how much we already hate him.

We despise these sites so much that we have always had them linked on our sidebar. This is just a friendly reminder. Now Go! Go! Go!!! Orders from The Boss!

Ho Hum

Indeed, of the big-time political talk-show hosts, approximately 75 to 80 percent are conservative, says Michael Harrison, editor of Talkers, a magazine devoted to talk shows. And a June 1 study from Washington, D.C-based Democracy Radio reported that national and local conservative programming totaled over 40,000 hours every week, while progressive, or liberal, programming totaled just over 3,000 hours.

-- Wall Street Journal, January 20, 2005

Now what's this Beerman was saying about universities having a higher liberal-to-conservative slant and that this was unacceptable?

He says, "Any profs who have not been indoctrinated into the anti-America, pro-communism radical left agenda are shut down if they voice their opinions."

Cannot the same thing be said about radio hosts?

"Any political radio hosts who have not been indoctrinated into the anti-America, pro-fascism radical right agenda are shut down if they voice their opinions."

But of course, it should be said that Air America's Ms. Rhodes is tied with Sean Hannity in the New York market, even after Hannity's book sales and his television show. And how many outside of the realm of Air America has ever heard of Ms. Rhodes before?

And, Air America is gaining ground. Its total for nationwide markets is forty-five, which is impressive after it was declared all but dead just a few months ago.

God Bless the Inauguration

Did you see that mother of a benediction? It was the perfect cap to the most perfect inauguration ever! The self-satisfied smirks on Repuiblican officials' faces has given me a warm glow of security that burns as bright as a thousand candles. But you know what the best part was? No liberals! God Bless Bush, America and God! But not liberals and moderates.

Abortion: a call to action

This is an official call to help our friend at Unskilled Labor. He has an excellent and thoughtful post entitled "Why is Abortion My #1 Issue?" Despite his coherent and cogent thought, he is getting hammered by some pro-death heathen in the comments section, so we need your help in order to show this hellbound demon who is right! Won't you please inject some healthy criticism of the pro-death movement into this good person's blog?

To Carl P.

If this blog while under the care of Carl P. were human and listened to pop music, maybe it would sing to its former owner a song much like this one.

Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye
Don't really wanna make it tough,
I just wanna tell you that I had enough.
It might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye.

Just a thought.

How to rebut a liberal (if you must)

If a liberal mentions: A less-aggressive foreign policy, alienation of our allies, an end to the preemptive-strike policy, an end to the War on Iraq or the end of any war, period

Then reply: "You must really hate America, don't you?"

If a liberal mentions: the glaring lack of adequate resources for our soldiers in Iraq, continued cuts in pay and benefits or the unannounced extensions of tours for weary soldiers

Then reply: "And just what do you have against our soldiers?"

If a liberal mentions: America's role in forcefully upsetting sovereign regimes around the world

Then reply: "Sure! Blame America first!!"

If a liberal mentions: the fact that an FCC investigation into Janet Jackson's Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction" began 24 hours after the incident, while the 9/11 investigation still had not yet begun, thus illustrating our misplaced national priorities

Then reply: "Won't you think of the children?"

If a liberal mentions: Fox News, charges of corporate media bias or George W. Bush's disputed military record

Then reply: "Dan Rather! Dan Rather! Dan Rather!"

If a liberal mentions: Bush's record as president

Then reply: "You're just out to get the president!"

See how easy that is? Being a conservative is so simple!

Boycott!

I'm calling for an immediate boycott! Hear, hear.

Mel Gibson, on Sunday, told AP Radio concerning Fahrenheit 9/11, "I saw the film. I liked it."

He's a loser. A loser, folks. Plain and simple. How dare he like such propoganda shit??? Michael Moore is the devil! That fetid, stinking, maggot of a man! Join me in boycotting all Mel Gibson movies, including such shit as We Were Soldiers, Maverick, Braveheart, and the anti-American movie Man Without a Face.

We should've seen this coming when he starred in the movie, "Air America" back in 1990. Stupid communist bastard. I hope he dies in liberal hell with all the other bleeding and breeding heart liberals.

Viva la Bush!

A flip, a flop, a flip to the flippy flip flop, you don't stop! Help me, please!

While cruising my favorite online store, ThoseShirts.com (motto: "Effing the ineffable since 1991"), I saw this kickass shirt:


They're RED HOT!!

Wait a minute...1991? Did the Internet even exist back then? Oh yeah! Al Gore had invented it quite some time back. What a maroon.

Anyway, seeing the above shirt reminded me of another of my favorite shirts, from Right Wing Stuff:



But Bush is cool! We all know that! So I don't know what to do. Do I continue to wear both shirts and risk being branded as a flip-flopper? Or do I stay the course and accuse my critics of being un-Strong and Right?

In trying times like these, I always ask myself, WWRD? (I have it tattooed on my wrist ever since I lost my bracelet!) So just What Would Ronald Do?



Hmmm....

To quote the Almighty Gipper toward the end of the 1984 presidential debate: "I'm all confused now." Wise words indeed!

Hero of the Day

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
-- Matthew 5:9

Three former Army guards convicted in the Abu Ghraib abuse scandal described Spc. Charles A. Graner Jr. on Monday as the soldier who most delighted in beating and sexually humiliating Iraqi inmates at the prison compound outside Baghdad.

Spc. Charles A. Graner, you make us conservatives proud. We salute you. Thank you for showing those commie Iraqi bastards exactly what it is like to feel the steel-toed end of an American-made boot. You have showed an extraordinary knack in getting the job done, no matter that common sense or the Geneva Convention says otherwise.

The session began Monday with a government witness, Spc. Matthew Wisdom, a military policeman who witnessed the abuse but was not charged. He described Graner hitting detainees and posing for pictures while the inmates "screamed in pain."

In yet another incident, Sivits said, Graner used a nightstick to repeatedly slap a weeping inmate's leg — right where the prisoner earlier had been shot.

How dare those liberal eggheads call that torture? The bastard Iraqis had it coming. Spc. Graner, I've never been more proud to be an American. May God bless you, and may God bless the United States!

Viva la Bush!

The Miseducation of Capitol Hill

A right-thinking column for right-thinking times!

Greetings, fellow patriots!

Occasionally, in one of my many fits of flag-waving, I reflect upon the principles and people that made the United States of America the most magnificent nation in the universe. Whenever I fall into one of these spells, an Undeniable Truth always makes itself known first and foremost: without our emphasis on education of the masses, the miracle of America may never have materialized.

After all, a major tenet of the oppression of societies throughout history has been an illiterate, untrained populace. Caste-concentrated and slanted schooling leads to slavery and entire disaffected, impoverished regions; two aspects, I'm happy to declare, that have never blemished this great land!

Unfortunately, in the ever-evolving timeline of history, all once-promising ideas left to their own swell and wreak havoc like cancer. Government remains the perennial example of this. Government has become so toxic of late that everything it touches contracts fatal contagions. What was once our guiding vessel to enlightenment and success has become our most malignant tumor.

Public education, as any true red-blooded American will tell you, exists these days as little more than a government tool to perpetuate propaganda regarding who to like, how to think and what to believe. I say this sheep mentality must stop immediately! Public schools are instilling in their students pointless and irrational ways of life and that is why organized religion must reclaim the system at once!

One excellent method through which certain counties across the states are doing this is through a system euphemistically referred to as "vouchers." Frankly, I am puzzled as to why proponents continue to hide the theological ramifications of this scheme, when they should be bragging! Maybe if the true beneficiaries of our voucher dollars, religious schools, would be given a greater spotlight, then more citizens would support the transfer!

My hero and personal savior-on-Earth, the very Rev. Pat Robertson, claimed at a Christian Coalition conference in 1996 that vouchers would lead to the very collapse of the public-school system as we know it. "To which we say, 'so what?'" he unforgettably theorized to thunderous applause. Robertson said this at the very peak of the Dole-mania that swept the country that year, which was tragically cured by those evil liberal scientists before Election Day. Dole himself knew what we needed to do but, being products of government schools, a majority of the voters were apparently too ignorant to realize that!

So what would privatizing schools bring to the grand table of American prosperity? Well, for one thing, there would be no more of this individuality garbage. In recent years, millions of kids have killed their peers just so they can steal their prized fashions; trends such as "grudge," "hip-pop" and "casual Fridays" have not helped. Mandatory uniforms will immediately raise the conduct bar while getting all students to wear the same, expensive, 1950s-style frock clothing. And of course, the values of the 1950s should be the goal of any right-thinking American.

Additionally, uniforms eliminate the fashion hostilities that many kids face. Clothing styles come and go, but taunting is forever. We all know that kids are less worthy without the right clothes; the last thing they need is to receive constant reminders of this from their peers. With uniforms, students need only to worry about coats, shoes and jewelry. And as anyone can tell you, the margin of trendiness and cost difference in any of these items is negligible.

Looking beyond the everyday benefits to the bigger picture, let's not forget just who is currently in charge of our republic! For most of the 1990s, the United States suffered through a continuous and hedonistic orgy, the innocent mistress America herself seduced by the charms and raw sexual energy that was the Clinton administration, as Clinton's breath of prosperity wafted down the thin veil covering her ample bust, the veil eventually falling to the ground as she lowered herself to feed at his manly budget surplus...Wait, where was I going with this?

Oh...right! My point is that, because of Clinton's numerous sinful wrongdoings, people had no choice but to spend every moment enraptured in sex, sex, SEX! What does this have to do with education? Uh, well...there's sex education now, so I've heard. Travesty!

But have heart, fellow patriots! As the Great Elections of 2000 and 2004 proved, God runs this nation now. By the way, by God we mean the Almighty Fundamentalist Christian GOP God, for all of you heathens out there. All right, I know what you liberals are saying to wonkish selves: freedom of religion is the cornerstone of liberty, blah blah blah.

Just remember that our Founding Fathers never specifically mentioned Buddha, Moses, Mohammed or Kurt Cobain, so you should darn well know who they meant! Liberals, don't forget to look on your money the next time you buy the latest Al Franken book--"In God We Trust," it tells us! God is the glue that keeps this nation--and this world--together!

So when it comes to schooling, private religious academies are the way to go. Not just for those who truly believe, of course, but for everybody. Wait a minute, I hear you asking, won't this diminish the faith of those who choose to go of their own free will and accord? I say, who cares? Faith is not just for those who want to believe and who utilize it as a source of inner strength. It should be a requirement to get a job, a diploma or even a milkshake! Just like in the glory days of 17th-century England! America would do right to learn from that model of government.

Moreover, the freedom to choose the people with whom you associate is a God-given right of all Americans. Private schools would give students and their families the utmost choice in which ethnicities and classes of people with whom they choose to speak. Training for real life, that is!

As my gifted and superior mind has now enlightened you, private schools are the white, er, right choice!

Where Are You?

Please Carl P., please come back to us! We miss you dearly. We're saving you a spot as a fellow commentator in case you ever decide to return and finish your politico-religio-series on the evils of Evolution. You promised many installments and we only ever got to read one. Did I mention that we miss you and your lovely way with words?

Please come back. Ain't no sunshine when you're gone.

Under new management

Much like the anti-communist coup in the Soviet Union in 1991, Strong and Right has changed leadership without a shot being fired. We can't say for sure what happened to Carl P, but we do know that we were able to seize his former blog with extreme ease. And while his posts have unfortunately evaporated with him, we're sure that with enough searching we will eventually find those words of mass destruction.

So yes, we can say with pride that we made the right decision in invading Strong and Right. We are confident that its readers will greet us with flowers, and will fully utilize the liberation that we have given them. Will we continue to occupy this blog? Perhaps it might be necessary. But let's hope against hope that this project does not become a quagmire. After all, Zac and I acted unilaterally as the Coalition of the Thrilling, and we'd hate to have to appeal to the rest of the blogging community, who no doubt resent us for our imperialistic blogging ways. Oh well...you blog with the team you have, not the one you want! God Blog America!

Back!

Strong & Right is back. With smarter, wittier, more intelligent discourse.